http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,24790732-5001030,00.htmlI COOKED sausages on the barbecue last night. Mmmmm. The sizzle. The smell. The world was as it should be. Then things hit a snag.
As I was raising my fork, my eyes fixed on the centre of the sausage.
Was it too pink?
Lost from my grip, the fork clattered into the crockery before falling to the ground. The bit of banger was left behind, sitting sliced-side up on the plate.
I blurted: "That Gordon f. . .king Ramsay has ruined my sausages."
For the first time I understood why the world's most famous chef lets fly when matters of the mouth go awry.
Not that Mrs Rolfe saw it the same way.
"Excuse me," she said. I didn't have an answer for her then. But now I do.
It's a bloke thing.
In dictating sausages be cooked in the oven, Gordon Ramsay attacked Aussie male DNA.Our barbecue gene is under siege.
In his column in The Daily Telegraph T.food section this week, Ramsay wrote: "If you plan to griddle or barbecue your sausages then roast them in a hot oven for about 20-25 minutes first and then grill them for five minutes or so just before serving."
When I first read it, I thought, "What's Ramsay banging on about?" Surely it is un-Australian to roast a sausage first.
So I blogged on, aiming to gather further ammo with which to attack Ramsay.
But among women I had apparently struck a raw nerve - and a raw sausage.
Penelope of Stanmore posted: "I've been to too many BBQs where I have bitten into what looks like a tasty, charred, well-cooked sausage but it's raw in the middle. Eeekk - especially knowing what goes in those babies - I don't fancy eating sausage sashimi. Think the roast before charring is inspired and should be adopted as the right Aussie thing to do."
And Dragonlass wrote: "A lot of people - especially men who would never cook in a kitchen but think they are God's gift on a BBQ for some reason - just don't cook sausages properly.
"The reason why Aussies drink so much beer is to make sure we're well and truly drunk by the time the sausages are ready - because they are mostly so awful.
"Sausages are meant to be cooked slowly, so that the meat cooks through and the skin doesn't burst, thus keeping the fat and moisture inside. However most men just decide to burn the crap out of them, and even worse - PRICK them so all the moisture runs out and you basically end up with beef jerky. Not good."
It was after reading this comment that it all became clear.
Barbecueing is as much about the journey as the destination. Women - and Ramsay - don't get it.
Barbecueing offers a man time to ponder his existence. To survey all that lies within his domain. To practise his golf swing.
And you can't field at mid-wicket in backyard cricket while standing in front of the oven, can you?
Barbecueing is about manhood, not Michelin hats.
Gordon Ramsay might be king of the kitchen. But he'll never rule the backyard.
He can stick his roasted sausage where ever he chooses. Some say he already does . . .
