by Jon Wise
True words spoken by Gordon Ramsay's victim Allan Love in Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares show: "He ain't God. He's Gordon Ramsay."

But if he was, just think how fabulous every local eaterie would be.

For even if Gordon winds you up with his bully boy antics and foul mouth, there's no denying he's got the magic touch. He turned Allan's Ruby Tate's seafood gaff, which was losing money quicker than his fish was turning stale, into successful restaurant Love's. Ramsay's straighttalking approach (branding a modern painting as just "a pair of crusty knickers" - talking from experience?) gets results.

But fame and fortune has gone to Gordon's head after he confessed: "I am a bit of a gay icon. I featured in the top ten last year. Bit of a worry that. I keep going up."

Think you'll be safe, Gordon.